Moon Mad At Earth

Buenos Aires, Argentina(DE) – Concerned scientists at the National Moon Emotion Watchtower are warning of cataclysmic events if the moon's mood does not improve soon. "The moon is mad. Just look at the weather," explained Dr. Runaldo Von Kin Slietskaving. The only possible solution, says Dr. Von Kin Slietskaving, is to send a spaceship full of beautiful women to calm down the moon. "It is a classic case of a natural object needing beautiful women. I would need to personally verify the women before any launch is made, of course," said the good doctor.

Taco Bites Woman's Face

Lincoln, Nebraska(DE) – A taco is accused of attempted murder after a woman tried to eat it. After purchasing the taco at a Mexican fast food store, the taco took a bite out of her face as she began to devour it after a long day. An employee at the store said, "I am not surprised this has happened because I knew the tacos were trying to do this for quite some time." He added, "I am going to have to do something to make sure this doesn't happen again." The victim has since recovered and is planning to sue the taco, the restaurant, the hospital, her parents, and the country of Mexico.

Man Shoots Off Brain Tumor

Last Chance, TX(DE) – Amazingly, the act to end one's life ultimately saved it.

"Steve Huey" was suffering from an inoperable and fatal brain tumor. Doctors had given him only two months to live, so Huey decided to end his life sooner rather than face the pain. He wrote a suicide note and then placed the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

Later, friends found him on the floor in a pool of blood. They called 911 and within hours, Huey was up and walking around. "His sense of humor was amazing, but even more amazing is his luck," remarked his doctor.

The chances of him shooting out his own brain tumor are 254 billion to one. The bullet missed all of the vital parts of the brain and only shot out the tumor. Friends and family have urged Huey to put his luck to good use and buy lots of lottery tickets.

"I tell him everyday 'go buy a lottery ticket' and 'go bet on a horse', but he just won't do it. Sometimes he can be so stubborn," said a close friend.

Doctors are cautioning to other terminal patients not to try what Huey did. They say there is no way that they would help themselves, they would only harm themselves severely.

Huey is currently writing a book and is planning a national book signing tour. Also in the works, a movie and a sitcom based on his story. "I am a very lucky guy and I plan to turn this miracle into some serious cash for myself," said Huey in an exclusive interview.

An auction is also in the works that will sell the gun, the hospital bill, and the tumor itself. "Any collector will love to own this tumor and should be willing to spend lots of money for it," added Huey.